But Seriously Between
TIWA
SAVAGE & TUNJI BALOGUN
Who goofed?
Daniel Miracle Kemka
This topic has
generated hot arguments that has ensued into fiery debates in Nigeria and other
parts of the world. One party in favor of Tiwa; gave very cogent reasons of why
they think Tiwa is right in her decisions while the other party in favor of
Tunji, incited instances and made concrete analysis to prove their point as to
why they think Tunji is right. But seriously, between Tiwa and Tunji, who
goofed? After reading this article, we will decide who the “goofer” really is.
Few months ago, for the
very first time, I watched the expensive, elaborate and breathtaking 9 minutes wedding
video clips of Tunji and Tiwa. I observed the way they looked at each other, cuddled,
kissed, held and smiled at each other, I said to myself, truly this must be love
made from heaven, but little did I know that this heaven-made love would become
a hell on earth.
In the recent turn of
events, I read Tunji’s frustrating words and I watched Tiwa’s response video critically
“back to back”. Now, without sentiments or emotions and without fair or favor, I
have analyzed their assertions and read in between the lines. It has taken me
about three weeks to put this article together after listening to so many
opinions and counter opinions.
Now, here is my opinion
of Tunji & Tiwa’s marital saga and what I think could be the remedy. Are
you still interested about knowing who goofed?
Read on.....................
Meanwhile, this article
was also written so that other people can learn from it so as not to repeat the
same mistake and even if the blunder has been made, it is never too late to modify
it.
Let’s talk about Teebillz
Tunji Balogun aka Teebillz is a
handsome gentleman, full of energy and vibes. He was one of the first people
who believed in Tiwa Savage’s musical ability, agility and skills when nobody
knew her and choose to be her manager. This was a sacrifice on his own part and
I am so certain that it would have cost him a whole lot and I am very sure that
he played a major role in her musical career to the level where she is right
now based on my knowledge and experience of being an artiste’s manager. Therefore, she owes him a great deal.
No doubt, Tunji messed up in so
many ways, he has his many weaknesses; in terms of wildness and some unpleasant
past which he can’t deny and I am very sure he is not proud of; the issues of the
alleged drugs, smoking, drinking, womanizing and flamboyant lifestyles which
have affected him a great deal.
But my question is, when did these
all start? How did he get to this point? When did he loose his sanity up to the
point of suicide attempt? Was his wife really concerned about his welfare or
about her money and her reputation? Was he genuinely in love with her and were
they willing to make their marriage work?
In the storms of life, people have
their ups and downs. Life is full of challenges and difficulties. Sometimes you
are up there and the next moment, you are down there. However, the joyful thing
about life is when you have someone who is there to support you, love you
genuinely, encourage you and help you in your weaknesses, pray for you, give
you sound counsel if need be, look for every means to pull you back up.
It could also be that Tunji went
into marriage with so much baggage and hidden emotions that were not properly
dealt with, and he possibly was in a marriage that lacked real intimacy and true
friendship. But all in all, he perhaps didn’t prepare himself well enough for
marriage.
This is where a whole lot of folks get
it wrong. They can spend so much money preparing for their wedding but they
don’t invest their time, effort and money to consciously prepare themselves for
marriage in terms of reading lots of books on marriage, working on their
personal character formation and adjustment, attending marriage seminars, engage
themselves in marriage counseling, getting engrossed in marriage planning not just
wedding planning, working on their temperamental modification and most of all get
involved in intense prayers. This goes to say that preparing for marriage takes
deliberate and conscious effort from the people involved. They should be able
to talk about anything and everything, leaving no stone unturned, not being
afraid or scared of talking about their past present and their future.
You cannot leave your life to
chance or to fate but you can live your life by faith and faith is a product of
knowledge and insight. No marriage can succeed without adequate insight from
those involved. Insight helps you to see what others cannot see so as to solve
what others cannot solve especially as the man of the house.
The difference between marriage and
wedding is that wedding is just for a day but marriage is for a lifetime. So
instead of focusing on the wedding which will last for just a day, why not
focus more on the marriage which will last for a lifetime. I also think amidst
all the accusations and counter accusations, Tunji did not take personal responsibility
for his life, his finances, his career and most of all his marriage.
“You are not a failure until you
start looking for who to blame for your failure”
Let’s talk about Tiwa
Tiwa Savage has always been the
center of attraction and attention; she seems to be the star and the spotlight that
everyone knows and over the years had learnt how to manage the stage and
entertain people with her serenading voice and her sexy sassy body curves but
unfortunately she never learnt how to manage a home.
This is a major problem with so
many female artistes and celebrities in the world. Women are known to be great
home managers. However, being a female alone does not qualify you to manage a
home because it takes a great skill to manage a home and it takes a high level
of effort and preparation. Preparation is a key factor in everything you do.
Managing a home takes a lot of conscious effort and deliberate strategies. It’s
more than just knowing how to cook, clean the house or satisfy the man in bed.
On the other hand, if Tunji Balogun
has spent most part of his life managing Tiwa Savage when she was just a novice
in the music business to the level where she is right now, she owes him a great
deal, jokes apart.
Tiwa ought to have recognized and
appreciated all his efforts and investments, recognizing the fact she won’t
have been where she is if not for him. Even if he stole from her, she ought to
have handled it with utmost maturity. Her sacking him was the greatest error
she ever committed. Even if she was to sack him, she should have helped him
with another source of income knowing fully well that he might not have another
source of income, or they both would have planned on starting another line of
business for the family that he can manage as both of them be accountable to
each other. They should have discussed it properly as husband and wife not as
an artiste and manager. Not only that, Tunji chose to leave every other woman
in the world to marry Tiwa because he sees her as his investment. This she ought
to have appreciated beyond every other thing.
Yes! Of a truth, Tiwa is deeply hurt
by Tunji’s recklessness, carelessness, insensitivity, embezzlement and
womanizing which I think is one the major straw that broke the camel’s back
aside his financial misappropriation. However, if she knew how to manage these
crises efficiently, she could have been able to handle it critically and
appropriately.
Wisdom has always been and will
always be the principal thing and nothing else can take the place of wisdom in
providing solutions to seemingly difficult situations. Wisdom does not jump on
people, it is acquired, nurtured and developed.
Probable antidotes
Few years ago, I heard a story of a married nurse who caught her husband right
on the spot in their matrimonial bed with another woman. Unfortunately, as
would be expected of her to react, she didn’t. Instead, she ignored them,
walked in and picked up what she came for and walked away without uttering a
single word.
She continued her normal duty as a nurse and as a wife and never talked
about what she saw for over three weeks. However, her muteness and silence made
her husband to become disturbed and restless; filled with so much guilt, shame and
remorse, and guess what he did. He took up the challenge to report himself to
his family members and his in-laws. Afterwards, he then called for a meeting.
At
the meeting, he knelt down in tears and agony and sincerely apologized to his
wife while he cried profusely in the presence of his family members and his in-laws.
He ask for forgiveness for his reckless behavior of which his wife did forgive
him and after that moment, he never went back to it.
Situations like this usually occur
in most nominal marriages but it takes wisdom to manage such scenarios so as to
bring it to a minimal point. Perhaps, silence can very golden and profound. It
can be a very powerful weapon in someone’s hands to win over a situation.
On the other hand, when a man is
misbehaving in a marriage or is acting irresponsibly, the first thing a woman
needs to do before making any drastic decision, is to look inwards and ask
herself critical questions as to know if she is actually doing what she ought
to do. Wisdom demands that she seeks good counsel from the right people because
in a multitude of counsel, there is safety. However, the man himself should be
cautious and not take her calmness for granted.
Thirdly, love is a very powerful
weapon that has changed the lives of people. I have seen it transform the lives
of so many bad people. Therefore, nothing can replace love. It is very
important.
The simple principle of marriage is
“husbands love your wife and wives submit yourselves to your own husbands in
all things”. As simple as this principle is, a lot of people find it so
difficult to apply.
Can a man still have his
self-esteem if his wife earns more than him or foots the bills at home? Will a
woman still respect, revere and honor her husband if she is earning more than
him or if she is the one taking care of the financial responsibilities at home?
Can a man still love his wife if he finds out that she has been unfaithful to
him? Can a woman still submit to a man who has been cheating on her? These are
very tough questions that needs to be given a very serious thought on.
Most women usually find it
difficult to submit to their husband if they are earning more than him.
Majority of women have this self-centered and wrong ideology that “whatever the
man has belongs to everyone in the family and whatever the woman has belongs to her”. This ideology is barbaric and can
destroy genuine relationships and break up marriages if it is not personally
dealt with or rather terminated. Finance has been known to be one of the major
causes of most marriage breakups in the world. Why not say “whatever the man
and the woman have belong to the family because we are in it together and we
are working as a team to achieve a great family”. This is a better ideology that is selfless in
nature.
The issues of infidelity in
marriage is highly discouraged but if it has happened and there is a genuine
repentance from any of the party involved, then the respect and love that such
person deserves should not be taken away from him or her. Even when the person
involved has not repented, that right behavior or attitude from a spouse can
change his or her partner just like the true life story I gave earlier on.
When both couples begin to see
themselves as a team working together to achieve a great family, they will bring
their resources together and if one is down, the other can help out and they
can both move on.
It takes two to tango, therefore
relationship and marriage is worked out by two people who are willing to make
it work.
When the man plays his role as a
husband and not just being a male figure and the woman plays her role as a wife
and not just as a female figure, the marriage will work and if any issue
arises, both of them will solve it as a team not as individuals.
Finally, both couples should always
be sensitive to spot out little things that can tear their relationship apart.
Always looking out for red flags, signals and symptoms of issues that can affect
their relationship so they can deal with it together before it escalates into a
problem which can be solved though. However when the issue gets to the level of
predicament, then it cannot be solved but can only be managed. If I feel Tunji
and Tiwa’s marriage crises is still in the problem level; their marriage is not
up to 5 years, just 2 years and some months. It can still be solved if they are
both willing to make it work despite the media hype and external
interference.
As couples, you should be sensitive
to your partner’s needs and be in constant pursuit of seeking to make your
partner happy. However, as individuals, your own happiness should be from
within and must not be determined by your partner’s behavior.
To the woman
There are four major things every
man wants. If you understand this four major things and master them, your
marriage will become sweeter no matter how bad it was before.
1. Respect: every man wants respect and hates
to be challenged. Give him the respects that he deserves no matter what happens
nothing should make you lose your respect for your man.
2. Good food: every lady should learn how to
cook and prepare good food for their husbands. If you think it’s not important,
you better think again. It is said that the way to the man’s heart is through
his stomach. Do not take it for granted. Despite your busy schedules do not let
someone else take over your cooking for your especially when it has to do with
your spouse. It has a way of bringing you both together.
3. Sex: a lot of wives are just so
concerned about themselves neglecting this aspect. So long as they are not in
the mood, they don’t care how their husbands feel, they only give in when they
are in the mood. This I think is very wrong! Believe it or not men are wired
for sex. Any man that doesn’t think or desire for sex has a very serious
psychological problem and should get help. Therefore when a man demands for
sex, it shouldn’t be surprising or stupid to a lady because that is the way he
was wired. An average man thinks about
sex at least 10 times a day. So do not deprive your husband of sex at all.
Ensure you satisfy him sexually as this will endear him to you.
4. Looking good: looking good is good business
even to your husband. Always dress to impress him. He might admire you without
making a comment but he definitely likes it. Always dress to seduce him, always
look good to keep him attracted to you. Take good care of your body, keep it in
good shape all the time and always smell good as this will always keep him
attracted to you.
To the man
Women who have assumed the office
of a wife wants to be shown care and love; they desire the man to be there for
them, they need their man to support them in carrying out family
responsibilities and house hold duties, they crave for the man to listen to
their conversations, they covet for their boo to cuddle them, they want the man
to pet them, they desire that their man be gentle with them, they expect their
man to make little sacrifices for them, they desire that their man should spend
quality time with them, they want the man to buy gifts for them…………………………….the
list is endless. Phew!
It might not be easy to meet all
the woman’s needs but the man should try as much as he can to satisfy her to be
best of his capacity, so that he would continue to store up enough love in the
woman’s emotional bank account because
every woman has an emotional bank account.
The man should ensure that he
continues to deposit enough love into the woman’s emotional bank account and should
never let it run dry as this will keep the woman endeared to him.
Tunji Balogun stopped depositing
love into Tiwa Savage’s emotional bank account, which was why when the she
found out about his infidelity with someone else while she was being
hospitalized in faraway Jamaica where she went for her video shoot, she could
no longer take it because her emotional bank account for Tunji had been
depleted and Tunji had not made any deposit for a very long time. She simply
said “I am done”. This is a statement of a depleted and dried up
emotional bank account.
However, I still believe they can
still make it work out again if and only both of them are willing to make it
work. Also their marriage can work out
again if they will stop listening to bad advises from friends and some external
influences. They should both get a professional marriage counselor, coach and therapist
to work on them. They should both pray and seek for divine direction. As for
me, I strongly kick against divorce and I do not believe that divorce is the
best option in this case.
However if a couple in a marriage
crisis feel that their marriage can’t work out again then it’s their choice.
So between Tunji and Tiwa, who
goofed?
You be the judge
@IamDanielKemka.
I
am just trying to make uncommon sense!
Feel free to make your comments……
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