But Seriously Between 
TIWA SAVAGE & TUNJI BALOGUN
Who goofed?



Daniel Miracle Kemka


This topic has generated hot arguments that has ensued into fiery debates in Nigeria and other parts of the world. One party in favor of Tiwa; gave very cogent reasons of why they think Tiwa is right in her decisions while the other party in favor of Tunji, incited instances and made concrete analysis to prove their point as to why they think Tunji is right. But seriously, between Tiwa and Tunji, who goofed? After reading this article, we will decide who the “goofer” really is.







Few months ago, for the very first time, I watched the expensive, elaborate and breathtaking 9 minutes wedding video clips of Tunji and Tiwa. I observed the way they looked at each other, cuddled, kissed, held and smiled at each other, I said to myself, truly this must be love made from heaven, but little did I know that this heaven-made love would become a hell on earth. 



In the recent turn of events, I read Tunji’s frustrating words and I watched Tiwa’s response video critically “back to back”. Now, without sentiments or emotions and without fair or favor, I have analyzed their assertions and read in between the lines. It has taken me about three weeks to put this article together after listening to so many opinions and counter opinions.  


Now, here is my opinion of Tunji & Tiwa’s marital saga and what I think could be the remedy. Are you still interested about knowing who goofed? 

Read on.....................

Meanwhile, this article was also written so that other people can learn from it so as not to repeat the same mistake and even if the blunder has been made, it is never too late to modify it.







Let’s talk about Teebillz

Tunji Balogun aka Teebillz is a handsome gentleman, full of energy and vibes. He was one of the first people who believed in Tiwa Savage’s musical ability, agility and skills when nobody knew her and choose to be her manager. This was a sacrifice on his own part and I am so certain that it would have cost him a whole lot and I am very sure that he played a major role in her musical career to the level where she is right now based on my knowledge and experience of being an artiste’s manager.  Therefore, she owes him a great deal.



No doubt, Tunji messed up in so many ways, he has his many weaknesses; in terms of wildness and some unpleasant past which he can’t deny and I am very sure he is not proud of; the issues of the alleged drugs, smoking, drinking, womanizing and flamboyant lifestyles which have affected him a great deal.

But my question is, when did these all start? How did he get to this point? When did he loose his sanity up to the point of suicide attempt? Was his wife really concerned about his welfare or about her money and her reputation? Was he genuinely in love with her and were they willing to make their marriage work?



In the storms of life, people have their ups and downs. Life is full of challenges and difficulties. Sometimes you are up there and the next moment, you are down there. However, the joyful thing about life is when you have someone who is there to support you, love you genuinely, encourage you and help you in your weaknesses, pray for you, give you sound counsel if need be, look for every means to pull you back up.


It could also be that Tunji went into marriage with so much baggage and hidden emotions that were not properly dealt with, and he possibly was in a marriage that lacked real intimacy and true friendship. But all in all, he perhaps didn’t prepare himself well enough for marriage. 


This is where a whole lot of folks get it wrong. They can spend so much money preparing for their wedding but they don’t invest their time, effort and money to consciously prepare themselves for marriage in terms of reading lots of books on marriage, working on their personal character formation and adjustment, attending marriage seminars, engage themselves in marriage counseling, getting engrossed in marriage planning not just wedding planning, working on their temperamental modification and most of all get involved in intense prayers. This goes to say that preparing for marriage takes deliberate and conscious effort from the people involved. They should be able to talk about anything and everything, leaving no stone unturned, not being afraid or scared of talking about their past present and their future. 

You cannot leave your life to chance or to fate but you can live your life by faith and faith is a product of knowledge and insight. No marriage can succeed without adequate insight from those involved. Insight helps you to see what others cannot see so as to solve what others cannot solve especially as the man of the house.


The difference between marriage and wedding is that wedding is just for a day but marriage is for a lifetime. So instead of focusing on the wedding which will last for just a day, why not focus more on the marriage which will last for a lifetime. I also think amidst all the accusations and counter accusations, Tunji did not take personal responsibility for his life, his finances, his career and most of all his marriage. 

“You are not a failure until you start looking for who to blame for your failure”




Let’s talk about Tiwa

Tiwa Savage has always been the center of attraction and attention; she seems to be the star and the spotlight that everyone knows and over the years had learnt how to manage the stage and entertain people with her serenading voice and her sexy sassy body curves but unfortunately she never learnt how to manage a home. 

 

This is a major problem with so many female artistes and celebrities in the world. Women are known to be great home managers. However, being a female alone does not qualify you to manage a home because it takes a great skill to manage a home and it takes a high level of effort and preparation. Preparation is a key factor in everything you do. Managing a home takes a lot of conscious effort and deliberate strategies. It’s more than just knowing how to cook, clean the house or satisfy the man in bed.

 


On the other hand, if Tunji Balogun has spent most part of his life managing Tiwa Savage when she was just a novice in the music business to the level where she is right now, she owes him a great deal, jokes apart. 



Tiwa ought to have recognized and appreciated all his efforts and investments, recognizing the fact she won’t have been where she is if not for him. Even if he stole from her, she ought to have handled it with utmost maturity. Her sacking him was the greatest error she ever committed. Even if she was to sack him, she should have helped him with another source of income knowing fully well that he might not have another source of income, or they both would have planned on starting another line of business for the family that he can manage as both of them be accountable to each other. They should have discussed it properly as husband and wife not as an artiste and manager. Not only that, Tunji chose to leave every other woman in the world to marry Tiwa because he sees her as his investment. This she ought to have appreciated beyond every other thing.



Yes! Of a truth, Tiwa is deeply hurt by Tunji’s recklessness, carelessness, insensitivity, embezzlement and womanizing which I think is one the major straw that broke the camel’s back aside his financial misappropriation. However, if she knew how to manage these crises efficiently, she could have been able to handle it critically and appropriately. 

Wisdom has always been and will always be the principal thing and nothing else can take the place of wisdom in providing solutions to seemingly difficult situations. Wisdom does not jump on people, it is acquired, nurtured and developed.





Probable antidotes






Few years ago, I heard a story of a married nurse who caught her husband right on the spot in their matrimonial bed with another woman. Unfortunately, as would be expected of her to react, she didn’t. Instead, she ignored them, walked in and picked up what she came for and walked away without uttering a single word.

She continued her normal duty as a nurse and as a wife and never talked about what she saw for over three weeks. However, her muteness and silence made her husband to become disturbed and restless; filled with so much guilt, shame and remorse, and guess what he did. He took up the challenge to report himself to his family members and his in-laws. Afterwards, he then called for a meeting. 
At the meeting, he knelt down in tears and agony and sincerely apologized to his wife while he cried profusely in the presence of his family members and his in-laws. He ask for forgiveness for his reckless behavior of which his wife did forgive him and after that moment, he never went back to it.





Situations like this usually occur in most nominal marriages but it takes wisdom to manage such scenarios so as to bring it to a minimal point. Perhaps, silence can very golden and profound. It can be a very powerful weapon in someone’s hands to win over a situation.

On the other hand, when a man is misbehaving in a marriage or is acting irresponsibly, the first thing a woman needs to do before making any drastic decision, is to look inwards and ask herself critical questions as to know if she is actually doing what she ought to do. Wisdom demands that she seeks good counsel from the right people because in a multitude of counsel, there is safety. However, the man himself should be cautious and not take her calmness for granted. 




Thirdly, love is a very powerful weapon that has changed the lives of people. I have seen it transform the lives of so many bad people. Therefore, nothing can replace love. It is very important. 

The simple principle of marriage is “husbands love your wife and wives submit yourselves to your own husbands in all things”. As simple as this principle is, a lot of people find it so difficult to apply.






Can a man still have his self-esteem if his wife earns more than him or foots the bills at home? Will a woman still respect, revere and honor her husband if she is earning more than him or if she is the one taking care of the financial responsibilities at home? Can a man still love his wife if he finds out that she has been unfaithful to him? Can a woman still submit to a man who has been cheating on her? These are very tough questions that needs to be given a very serious thought on.



Most women usually find it difficult to submit to their husband if they are earning more than him. Majority of women have this self-centered and wrong ideology that “whatever the man has belongs to everyone in the family and whatever the woman has belongs to her”. This ideology is barbaric and can destroy genuine relationships and break up marriages if it is not personally dealt with or rather terminated. Finance has been known to be one of the major causes of most marriage breakups in the world. Why not say “whatever the man and the woman have belong to the family because we are in it together and we are working as a team to achieve a great family”.  This is a better ideology that is selfless in nature.

 

The issues of infidelity in marriage is highly discouraged but if it has happened and there is a genuine repentance from any of the party involved, then the respect and love that such person deserves should not be taken away from him or her. Even when the person involved has not repented, that right behavior or attitude from a spouse can change his or her partner just like the true life story I gave earlier on. 

When both couples begin to see themselves as a team working together to achieve a great family, they will bring their resources together and if one is down, the other can help out and they can both move on.


 
It takes two to tango, therefore relationship and marriage is worked out by two people who are willing to make it work.






When the man plays his role as a husband and not just being a male figure and the woman plays her role as a wife and not just as a female figure, the marriage will work and if any issue arises, both of them will solve it as a team not as individuals.







Finally, both couples should always be sensitive to spot out little things that can tear their relationship apart. Always looking out for red flags, signals and symptoms of issues that can affect their relationship so they can deal with it together before it escalates into a problem which can be solved though. However when the issue gets to the level of predicament, then it cannot be solved but can only be managed. If I feel Tunji and Tiwa’s marriage crises is still in the problem level; their marriage is not up to 5 years, just 2 years and some months. It can still be solved if they are both willing to make it work despite the media hype and external interference.   

 
As couples, you should be sensitive to your partner’s needs and be in constant pursuit of seeking to make your partner happy. However, as individuals, your own happiness should be from within and must not be determined by your partner’s behavior.




To the woman

There are four major things every man wants. If you understand this four major things and master them, your marriage will become sweeter no matter how bad it was before.

1.     Respect: every man wants respect and hates to be challenged. Give him the respects that he deserves no matter what happens nothing should make you lose your respect for your man.

2.     Good food: every lady should learn how to cook and prepare good food for their husbands. If you think it’s not important, you better think again. It is said that the way to the man’s heart is through his stomach. Do not take it for granted. Despite your busy schedules do not let someone else take over your cooking for your especially when it has to do with your spouse. It has a way of bringing you both together. 

3.     Sex: a lot of wives are just so concerned about themselves neglecting this aspect. So long as they are not in the mood, they don’t care how their husbands feel, they only give in when they are in the mood. This I think is very wrong! Believe it or not men are wired for sex. Any man that doesn’t think or desire for sex has a very serious psychological problem and should get help. Therefore when a man demands for sex, it shouldn’t be surprising or stupid to a lady because that is the way he was wired.  An average man thinks about sex at least 10 times a day. So do not deprive your husband of sex at all. Ensure you satisfy him sexually as this will endear him to you.

4.     Looking good: looking good is good business even to your husband. Always dress to impress him. He might admire you without making a comment but he definitely likes it. Always dress to seduce him, always look good to keep him attracted to you. Take good care of your body, keep it in good shape all the time and always smell good as this will always keep him attracted to you.





To the man

Women who have assumed the office of a wife wants to be shown care and love; they desire the man to be there for them, they need their man to support them in carrying out family responsibilities and house hold duties, they crave for the man to listen to their conversations, they covet for their boo to cuddle them, they want the man to pet them, they desire that their man be gentle with them, they expect their man to make little sacrifices for them, they desire that their man should spend quality time with them, they want the man to buy gifts for them…………………………….the list is endless. Phew!    


It might not be easy to meet all the woman’s needs but the man should try as much as he can to satisfy her to be best of his capacity, so that he would continue to store up enough love in the woman’s emotional bank account because every woman has an emotional bank account. 

The man should ensure that he continues to deposit enough love into the woman’s emotional bank account and should never let it run dry as this will keep the woman endeared to him. 



Tunji Balogun stopped depositing love into Tiwa Savage’s emotional bank account, which was why when the she found out about his infidelity with someone else while she was being hospitalized in faraway Jamaica where she went for her video shoot, she could no longer take it because her emotional bank account for Tunji had been depleted and Tunji had not made any deposit for a very long time. She simply said “I am done”.  This is a statement of a depleted and dried up emotional bank account.  






However, I still believe they can still make it work out again if and only both of them are willing to make it work.  Also their marriage can work out again if they will stop listening to bad advises from friends and some external influences. They should both get a professional marriage counselor, coach and therapist to work on them. They should both pray and seek for divine direction. As for me, I strongly kick against divorce and I do not believe that divorce is the best option in this case. 



However if a couple in a marriage crisis feel that their marriage can’t work out again then it’s their choice.





So between Tunji and Tiwa, who goofed? 





 
You be the judge



 

@IamDanielKemka. 
 
I am just trying to make uncommon sense! 






Feel free to make your comments……

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